Neil Diamond Guy, Part Two - Neil Makes a Grown Man Cry

Cont..........

Let's fast forward thru dinner. NDG's friend was our waiter, by the way, and NGD gets a lot of joy by showing him the "tickets" (aka papers) to the show. We finish our sandwiches, the bottle of wine we split, and start walking towards the T, as Neil Diamond Guy regals me with stories of his 15 never happened trips to South America. We encounter an "artist" with a kid looming behind him, who begs us to stop and listen to his jive or poetry or whatever the hell it was. Being the kind of guy he is (an idiot), NDG grabs my hand, and actually starts "keeping the beat" by thumping his hand against his hip as the guy is going thru he is poem. The guy then of course asks for money, NDG gives him some, we continue to the T. Not that I'm above giving someone money, but at a certain point you can see who is in need and who is clearly on drugs. And, you dont really need to subject a date to that, especially with the menancing guy behind the "poet". We get past that, and then, while waiting for the T, NGD starts frantically patting his pockets. FRANTIC. I ask him whats wrong, and he says "the tickets! I had them, and I dont have them anymore! What am I going to dooooo??? I work so hard, and I save up for moments like this, like Neil Diamond, and to take a special girl to see them, and then, all of a sudden, they are gone??? WHY????"
Me (damage control): Ok, let's just go back, retrace your steps, and I'm sure we will find them. Its okay"
NDG: Ok. Okay, okay, you are right. Ok. Listen, you stay here. I'll be back."
AND BOOKS it down Boylston Street. Like fing lightening.
I am at a crossroads. I can leave. He may not come back, after all. But, I know he will come back, and I just cant do that to a person (why I dont feel bad about blogging this story will be more then justified later). So, I wait. NDG comes back 20 minutes later, no tickets. He grabs my hand and says, "well, we are just going to have to get some tickets. Come on"
We get on the T, and this is where he does the unthinkable. We sit down, and he says "I just dont know why these things have to happen to me" and starts to whimper, and puts his head on MY shoulder!!!! This guy is crying in my LAP, about lost NEIL DIAMOND TICKETS!!!!
I go into survival mode, likely mixed with a little Stokholme syndrome, at the Garden and I start planning my escape by placating Neil Diamond Guy. I stop at the first scalper we see, and he says he only has one ticket. I say, "we'll take it! YOU, stay RIGHT here, I'm going to the ATM! STAY! YOU STAY! I WANT THAT TICKET!"
I drag a forelorn NDG to the ATM, take out whatever money I have too to get this loser a ticket to effing Neil Diamond, while saying "you know what? Neil Diamond Guy? I had a great time with you. I am going to buy you this ticket, because it really sucks that you were so looking forward to it and lost the tickets (that you CLEARLY never bought in the first place), so please, let me buy you this ticket, and call me tomorrow and tell me all about it! Okay??"
NDG: I cant let you do that. I promised you Neil.
Me: Oh, no, seriously, it matters more to you. Thank you for dinner, please let me buy this ticket for you!
NDG: (takes both hands) "Sheila,I promised you Neil Diamond, and we are going to Neil Diamond."
Out of the corner of his eye, or whatever he sees in his crazy world, NDG points at a (homeless maybe?) person SLEEPING outside of the garden, trots off, and says, "hey, dont worry, I know this guy!!!!! From my Newbury Comics days! He'll hook us up!!!!!!"
Me: "F word"

Come back for part three.............