Neil Diamond Guy, Part Four - The "Oh-No You DID NOT" is just as powerful as "Oh, hell no"

Finally, I arrive in Rhode Island, surrounded by friends, beer, and a hot tub. I tell my Neil Diamond Guy tale, and my guy friends, of course, laugh at me. We then proceed to have the time of our lives, and I periodically check my phone - all quiet on the pyscho front. Phew. After a delightfully drunk evening, me and my friend Matty go to bed. I take a flying leap at the bed, miss it completely, go flying through the air, and crash into the wall. Laughing, I hop into bed and check my phone. There it was. I say "oh no, Matt."
What does it say?
"I know you asked me to not contact you tonight, but I just wanted you to know I missed you."
We then both laugh our asses off at this guy and go to sleep.

I wake up the next day, hungover but determined to not take anymore crap from NDG. I go hiking at the purgatory chasm, I am feeling great, and head home. I ignore all things NDG, which includes my phone, and the internet. By friday, I think Neil Diamond guy starts to lose it. I stayed in because I had a cold, took some Nyquil, and proceed to get baraged by 25 completely desperate and insane, but unresponded to text messages, before I finally send "you are crazy. Never, ever, ever, ever call, text, anything me again."

I, who was on a two week vaction from work, and in this time, Hurricane Katrina hit. The obvious horror of what was happening to those people and no reason to not watch TV kind of turned me into an insomniac. So, when my phone rings with a CT number, I answer it, thinking its a friend from college. Its about 2 am.

"Sheila"
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh NO! I have picked up a drunk dial from Neil Diamond guy!
Me: "Oh, great, its you."
NDG: "hehehhahahahaha! Wow! Thats nice! Oh, great its me! Happy to hear from me? You sound surprised!"
"Are you drunk?"
NDG: "Nooooo. So, I noticed you stopped talking to me. I'm sorry if I was a little forward, its just that I am one of those "go-er" people! You see something you like, you just go for it! And I understand that you may not want to have a relationship with me, but I really liked you as a person and I'm sorry my being the way I am ruined that. Can I still know you as a person? Because you are pretty great."
I, once again, feel bad for this guy. Feel that maybe I was too hard on him, and soften. So I say

"ok. you arent a bad person, there was just too much all at once. If you would like to be friends, maybe we can meet for coffee sometime (lie, but at least he can walk away with dignity)"
NDG: Great! How about Sunday???"
Me: Ahh, busy sunday. But soon.
NDG: Sheila, can I say something else?
Me: sure, say whatever you need to.
NDG: Well, (laughs like a lunatic)well, I just wish I knew how you felt before we went out
Me: You wish you knew how I felt before our first date?
NDG: Yeah! Because if I knew how you felt about me, I wouldnt have taken you out. I mean, you are a real asshole to let me take you out, spend all that money on you, if you knew you didnt like me. I mean, dont you think you were just a little bit of an (insert: not-nice word for a donkey) to have done that?"

I am sitting upright in bed. Furious. Boiling. Outraged.
Me: "no, I dont"
NDG: "Oh, you dont. Well, thats funny. Because, you know what? at least I dont give up on love. You have issues, I can tell. But you know what? Sometimes you just have to push that aside before a great A GREAT GUY like me, passes you by! What do you have to say to that?"
Me: (angry fire breathing)
NDG: I suppose you need to sleep on this. I'll let you go, I'll call you tomorrow.
Me: Oh, no, actually, let me take care of this right here. Let me help you out. I want to help you, should you ever want a girlfriend EVER. There are things, simple things that girls dont like. You dont know anything about me, so you can assume whatever you want. I dont know anything about you other then friggin crazy. So, assume what you want, but these are facts, call them lessons, for you to take forward. 1. Dont call a girl up at 2 in the morning and try to pretend like you arent drunk; 2. girls dont owe you shit on a date, EVER, 3. Dont call girls who actually endure a date with you an (not nice word for a donkey) and 4. any "issues" I have that you invented in your head to justify your pyschotic behavior dont exist. Just like how we dont exist - I dont even know your last name
NDG (interupts me): I would have told you my last name if you asked me!!!!!!!
ME: I DONT CARE WHAT YOUR LAST NAME IS! You can call me again tomorrow when I've "cooled down", you hyprocritical pig, but I guarantee you, I wont ANSWER!"

And hung up.

Next night, I am at my parents house, and he calls. I dont answer. So, he sends me a text, that said "I did what you asked, I called you. Looking forward to making up."

And that was it. Or was it????

No, it wasnt.

One year later, I am going about my business, and get a text from an unknown number. I open it, and it says "Well, its been a year. I figured it'd be okay to contact you. Can we talk?"

Shudder.

Two years later, I am down at the Boston Marathon on Copley, to see my sister finish the race. I am trying to get as close as I can to my family that was there, when I hear "Sheila?"

Turn around, its Neil Diamond Guy. And I say, "Oh, hell no!" And hop the jersey barrior right there on boylston, and run straight across the street, climb over the next jersey barrier, and keep running.

And that is the tale of Neil Diamond Guy, the guy who lost his mind in under a week, and who's last name I still dont know to this day.

Up Next: The Guy Who Hit on Me at a Pig Roast, who turns out to be a quasi-co-worker and who writes absurd emails